The Ultimate Guide on How NOT to Write a Blog Post

“A good blog offers high-quality, well-written content that is regularly updated, focused on a specific niche, and effectively engages and provides value to its audience.”

No, ChatGPT! Today, we’re flipping the script and shifting on how to craft poorly written content. By understanding what not to do, you’re better equipped to create engaging, impactful content that resonates with your audience. And also, in this scenario, have fun with it.

It’s time to dive into the guidelines on how not to write a blog. Our mutual friend ChatGPT might also weigh in with a few examples.

Disclaimer: Do not implement the following suggestions. They are for entertainment purposes only.

Put Your Business First: Self-Centered Success

You are the star of this story, so act like one! If visitors come to your site, it only makes sense if you talk about yourself. Praise your business and show how great it is. Who cares about solving someone else’s problems? Customers love nothing more than hearing a business brag about itself.

And what if some of them never return? There are 7 billion people on Earth. Customers come and go, but your greatness remains. Forget them and focus on your business achievements and internal processes – that’s what people really care about. What could go wrong?

Copy-Paste Success: Who Needs to Be Original?

There’s no need to reinvent the wheel, and everything has already been said and done. New angles, original research, and personal experiences? No, thank you. Don’t bother trying to write about things from a different perspective. Just keep recycling the same old content and enjoy the time you would otherwise spend trying to come up with something new. Your audience will surely appreciate seeing the same recycled information over and over again. Repetition is the mother of learning!

Don’t waste your budget on fancy staff photoshoots or pay graphic designers to create some meaningful blog covers. Generate your visuals through AI. It doesn’t matter if the guy in the picture has 11 fingers or if the shadow from the sun falls in the wrong direction. Looking silly is free, whilst a photoshoot and designer cost. Be smart and save money!

Ignore SEO Best Practices

Why bother trying to understand your audience? Just assume you know what they want. Keyword research is so overrated – you can cut the unnecessary parts and just rely on your gut feeling. Otherwise it’s too much work to do, and you can’t even know if it will work or not. Nonsense.

What if you talk about trainers and online users searching for sneakers? Use whatever keywords you want. Make it harder for them to find you. Everyone knows you have to work hard to win the prize, so what’s the point of making it easier? Maybe they will get lucky and find your website. You never know!

Over-Promote: Who Needs Value?

Don’t hold back with your sales pitch! Your main goal is to sell, so what’s the fuss with creating content that provides value? Know your place and stick with the main thing – accumulating revenue. There are many things you could do regarding promotion, so let’s let ChatGPT name some of the options:

• Exaggerate claims: Tell your product changes people’s lives, makes them successful, and gets them millions overnight.
• Don’t support your claims with evidence: Use phrases like “Studies show…” without citing any studies or “Experts agree…” without naming any experts.
• Cliché Phrases: You can’t go wrong with claiming your offer can be their “once-in-a-lifetime opportunity!”
• Unfounded Comparisons: You know that your product is better than any other product on the market, why would you need to support it with evidence. Haters gonna hate anyway.
• Use superlatives and bombastic words: Claim your products are the best, most amazing, revolutionary, the only thing they’ll ever need (except more of your other products).

via GIPHY

• Redundant Information: Repeat the same point in different ways to fill space, like in this example: “This product is effective because it works well and does its job!”
• An extra tip for when the blog is prepared is to pay as many bots as possible to promote you in as many comments as possible.

Thanks, ChatGPT.

Ignore Data and Analytics

You’re a marketing genius who doesn’t need data to tell you what works and what doesn’t. Google Analytics won’t tell you what is the cause of a sudden traffic drop, so you have to use your reasoning anyway. Just stick to your gut feelings and ignore the numbers.

What if you cannot identify high-performing content over poorly-performing content? It doesn’t matter. Promote the one that has the prettiest visuals. And if someone asks you to demonstrate the marketing return on investment to prove the effectiveness of content marketing strategies, just point to the whole ROI because marketing is everything anyway.

Real Tips are Coming Soon

And there you have it – a masterclass in how not to write a blog post! Remember, this is for entertainment purposes only. We hope you had a good laugh and that you don’t take these suggestions seriously!

Stay tuned and keep an eye on our blog because we’ll soon be publishing real, actionable advice on how to craft compelling, engaging, and effective content. See you soon with the real deal!